de do do do de da da da

ugh.. it's late, and i'm supposed to be writing a paper that was due this morning. instead, i'm writing a journal entry, and basically doing anything else i can to stay away from it; procrastination is my forte.

the last two kung-fu movies were horribly bad, but in a terribly funny way.

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"Assault of the Final Rival" involved a 'rebel' like character who's power came from his all-awesome mullet thing. there was no real reason for him to have enemies, other than the fact that "He's weird, and has no friends" (REAL LINE FROM MOVIE).

one of the first battles in the movie had this guy as the enemy: Mr. Parosols are Intimidating. He got his ass kicked, 'nuf said.

eventually they cut off his hair, he freaks out, punches a bunch of people, and then after being pinched in the armpit, throws dirt in his enemies eyes and flys away. after that there's not another fight until nearly the end of the movie. at this point, the hero has grown his hair back and confronts his enemies yet again. one of whom uses a blanket as a weapon (yes, he gets his ass kicked too).

oh, also, the camera work was incredible.


the other one "American Chinatown" i haven't been able to force myself through yet. i'll leave you with this: you could go into your backyard with your mom's VHS recorder, your friends, and some ketchup, and STILL make a better movie than this.

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also, if you've never heard of Mark Mulcahy, I stress you to go have a listen: http://www.mezzotint.com/mp3/ 'We're Not in Charleston Anymore', is a damn great song.

So I've had this really cool idea on my mind for about a year, which included paper. I dunno, for some reason I had this wierd obsession of wanting to cut up some paper, and create some cool looking images (started with this one I did of a cd cover, and kind of ended with it too, but i still wanted to do more). Well, a few days ago, I finally got the energy to start one, and since lately I'd been doing a lot with clouds (photos, drawings) I decided I'd start with that.

It only took me about an hour to make the shapes, another to cut them out, and then one more to try and place them in a position that I really liked. Finally, I found one. The piece actually looked perfect to me, something I was quite proud of for once that I had made, and with a sweet style too. I hadn't yet glued it all together, and I just left it sitting, unglued, on the cooler in my room. There was no way I was spending anymore time on this one thing for a full night, besides, glueing was going to be a major pain in the ass.

It had been sitting there all week, with no interruption; not one thing had touched it, not moved it, nor even fucking breathed on it. This afternoon however, I decide I finally want to finish the thing, and glue it all together. The damn thing isn't there. I started freaking out, dodging my head back and forth around the room, "maybesomeonemoveditdidthewindtakeitaregnomesinvadingdidsomeonegetjealoushowdiditdisappear!?" I was seriously freaking out. Then I noticed that the cooler had been opened. Again I thought, "Someone must have moved it, they wouldn't just be cold hearted and open the thing with my art on top... would they?" Slowly I moved to look behind the cooler... it was like seeing a dead animal.

I really can't wait until both of my brothers get the hell out of this house. And knowing that that time is very soon, makes me happier than anything.

I wish I had an art studio, and a well protected vault.

not only did the movie suck, but to my dismay.. there was no gambit.


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v622/jackwild/Photos/xmenclose.png

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v622/jackwild/Photos/xmen.png

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v622/jackwild/Photos/gambit.png


but goddamn, if we didn't have some of the coolest costumes, and recieve some of the wierdest looks.

"xavier" by the way, isn't really crippled. we borrowed that wheelchair from a retirement home. most people thought he really was, especially the employees of burger king. they brought his food to him. they were pretty astonished to watch as he got up out of his wheelchair, and walk out of the establishment. this worked at wal-mart too, except he became upgraded to an eletrical.

and those things are damn fun to ride around in.

I am in the mood for new Polyphonic Spree music, but they have yet to deliver, nor have the updated their blog lately.

This means an innocent must die, perhaps hundreds if I feel up to it.

Anyways, I must say, I had a great night yesterday. Spent the whole day with Katie, well maybe not the whole day (5-9), but it sure felt that way. We were planning on watching Pete and Pete 'till about seven, and then head to the Variety Show, which was to be our target for humiliation that night. When 7 came and went, by the time we realised, it was already too late. Not that I'm complaining. We spent the rest of the night watching the rest of the Pete and Pete dvds (we only have a few episodes left).

It's so strange, that when I'm around her in public I can casually just put my arm around her, or hold her hand. When we're alone, however, I feel so much weaker. Like something is holding me back. Instead, we both inch our hands closer and closer together until finally one of us reaches for the other. I think we've overcome it, though. My wall has got to be the most uncomfortable thing to lean against, too; and those road signs don't help either. There was one point when we just sat in the middle of my bed with no backrest, and we just leaned into eachother.

Also, the funniest thing happened to me during the day. This old man came into the gas station with his daughter, and grand daughter. The mother (daughter) was out of the car trying to get a small tank filled up, while the grandfather (with the grand daughter) was trying to park the car to get gas into it. Only, he was on the wrong side. So he yells out, "It's these DAMN JAPANESE CARS," (he was driving an Outback) "MOTHER FUCKERS!" The little girl was sitting in the back, freaking out.

I could do nothing but laugh.

Jesus. Having a very jealous state of mind, and being a cynical person at the same time is absolutely terrible. And it doesn't help knowing there's a complete jerk face who's friends with her, and likes her as well, and has parties that he invites her to, but not me. He's a bad influence, but there's nothing I can do to stop any of that.

I just don't want her to turn into another partier who goes out every weekend to get wasted, and gets messed up. And I know I've heard her say she doesn't and hasn't and won't, but I'm an asshole, and in being one I like to believe otherwise. Well, not exactly 'like' to, but more or less forced.

I'd go to bed to try and sleep all this off, but then I'd be sitting in bed for an hour just making shit up in my head. I think I'm actually going to start working on my friggin' OHR game for once. Put my mind into something else completely. I've been meaning to work on my Zombie/Survival/Puzzle game.

note: learn to script better.

That, or I could just lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling for a while. Somehow that would probably calm me down.

I fuckin' need someone to talk to, but I have no way of going anywhere, and no one is online. I don't use the phone either, not that I have anyone to call.

Erk.

I think I just need to quit the internet altogether. I just hit a button, and I have no idea what the fuck it just did.

my hair is falling out. i'm 17 and my hair is falling out! it started around the beginning of this week, and has been getting slightly worse. i'm just glad it's small single or couple strands instead of large clumps, but jesus, this sucks.

parents fought about thinking they had popcorn when they didn't. which made them mad. they always think up the stupidest stuff to fight about. i never want a relationship like this. especially one where we fight over trivial things. i want to laugh it off, no matter how stupid or embarassed it made me feel. later on, we'll hint at it in a public area and start laughing hysterically, all the while gathering strange looks.

mountain dew tastes like grass to me. unless it's in a can.

i finally asked her over to my house today. she came over, which made me happy. dan was there too, but he left us alone. we could still hear him yelling at the video games though. it made us laugh. i think if she didn't come over, i would have slept all day or just read, and i didn't want to do that. i just needed someone to hold on to.

there are a lot of sex jokes on tv. which always makes me uneasy when i'm alone with a girl. i don't want to laugh, cause then she'll think i'm some type of pervert. but then there's this wierd awkward silence like, "oooh, they said sex!" i'm a virgin, and i really don't get the big deal about it.

our lives are made up of going to bars or clubs to find a girl that looks pretty and wants to have sex, and if she's hot enough, perhaps i'll stay, and she'll stay because she thinks there's something special. we'll go out to eat at restaurants, and try to save on cash by buying some shitty dish that only looks big because of the little leaf they place on the side. we'll do pointless activities that were created for people with no imagination and are laid out step by step. then one day i can bring her home to mom and dad, and my brothers can all look at her and be jealous. every night we'll do it, and every day we'll go about our business. we'll call each other and ask in generic voices that were programmed years before with, "how are you?" and "how was your day?" we'll eat breakfast and lunch and dinner and not say a single word unless it's from an article in the newspaper. eventually we'll grow tired of the sex, and look to others, but for some reason we'll cling to each other with invisible strings.

ugh, man.

I want to smell the sun again.

I did it to myself again. I keep freezing up when I should just spit it out. I actually said the first two words out loud to her, and then just stopped. Tomorrow's the last day I can ask, and then the cycle will start all over again next week.

I'm glad, though. She is too. Wednesdays are definitely the best. Study hall, lunch, study hall. All three with her. I was reading a book when she came in today, and was sitting sideways on the bench. She came up right behind me and put her arms around me tightly; resting her head on my shoulders.

I finally got "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" from Heather. I think it passed through 10 different peoples hands before it finally got to me. So far, I'm liking the book. I like reading first person POV books in which myself and the character have a lot in common with thoughts. Helps to take away that worried state of mind of "Am I the only one noticing this?". I need more Bukowski books.

there's too much contradiction in religion to me. i'll explain more when i finally get my thoughts settled.


why is there such a large gap in between me with a beard and me shaved. clean shaven i look like a woody allen character, just not funny, and a lot more pathetic. i'm never shaving again.


i need to start playing kotor II again. i've already played through the first couple of hours of it twice. for some reason i can't stick with it; and i love the storyline so far.


i don't think i've actually made a single thing with the OHR since the 48 hour contest. i keep messing around with the graphics on Mystics (the colors got messed up when i had to switch computers), and they look alot nicer now. thing is, i haven't added any numbers to my amount of tiles. i always have ideas rushing through my head, but i've been reluctant to even write them down.


i no longer have a job. never would i thought being fired would make me so happy. i fucking hated that place; the bosses were jerks, i barely made any money, and all of my free time was shot. so i called them up, said i couldn't work because the school needed my help setting up for the dance that night.
"you're supposed to be here when the schedule says you have to be here *click*", no time to explain my case or get in the slightest "uhm..".
4:10, i had finished up, and decided to go for a walk. my parents didn't know yet what my plans had been, nor did i quite feel like telling them. for all they know, i'm at work.
4:30 to 5:00, i bought myself a cappucino. i enjoyed the cappucino. watched the blazing fire go down on the horizon while drinking said cappucino. to me, this is much more exciting than bagging your groceries. it was cold.
5:00 to 5:45, i had taken a road that curved around back to my work. during this time, the sun was gone, and i was basically wondering streets in which i'd never been down on foot, nor in the dark. i had planned on walking down this road to waste the day, and then somehow show up at work like i had been there all along to be picked up by my parents.
5:45 to 6:00, i was nearing the end of the road, which lay on top of the highest point in town. it was windy enough that with as tired as i was, it actually pushed me around. even though i was lacking in time, i stopped a now and then to look down at the town, it's lights were ablaze, and the highway was a stream of light. when i got to my work, i was just on time to be picked up. unnoticed upon entering the parking lot, i knocked on the car door to a half-sleep father, who's common acknowledgment was "tough day at the office?". somehow, i made it out free.

and it was a good, seeing as how the soundtrack to the day was provided by Belle and Sebastian.

i think, that after i graduate from high school (however long that may take) i'm just going to plant myself into a mental institute, or build a cabin out in the middle of nowhere, and sleep.

blah. i've really been thinking of just signing myself into an institute; how much easier it would be for me. what's wierd is that, i like hanging around people who, by 'normal people's standards' are insane. to me, they have so much more freedom, unlike the common man who has everything to worry about.

maybe they can make me conform to this reality. pump me full of drugs. that way i can stop thinking.. hoping that someday it will change. no more bullshit; this is how i'm supposed to live; i'm a drone.

it's crazy, or becoming a hermit. ever since i read walden and other stories i've always thought "that's gonna be me, civilization has nothing to give me."

and then, there's leading the revolution for the new america. 'course, it would take a lot of help, and a lot of smooth talking. i wouldn't want this to break out into a fight unless absolutely necessary (which would kind of be cool...).